Every Day is French Fries Day

Note: I'm not a mental health professional — just someone with ARFID sharing what's worked for me.

When I was working with an ARFID-friendly nutritionist, we tried to build a weekly menu together. French fries (my safest food) only showed up once. All other foods on the menu were still safe, but I was still very nervous about it. She asked me what happened, and when I told her, she immediately course-corrected. "Shira - we're going to add French fries to every single meal you have here on the menu. Every day is French fries day." My anxiety around this menu completely disappeared. I didn't even have to eat French fries every day - just knowing I have "permission" helped me immensely. I was able to try more new foods during that period of time.

Her approach is called Strength-based; while a Deficit-Based approach is simply focusing on food-expansion, centering on what the person cannot eat, Strength-based approach is focused on the person and their relationship to food. It asks - how can we increase access to safety by allowing safe foods and safe eating environments. Accommodations become part of care, rather than being a last-resort that is external to it.

The goal is safety and nervous system regulation, because curiosity about food cannot emerge in a dysregulated system; safety is actually a condition to progress, evolution and curiosity. Only at times when I was convinced I had enough of my safe foods and that my environment was safe for me, I was able to try new foods. It feels contradictory, and it takes longer, but it works (and is working) for me.

Since this worked for me with my food anxiety, I started exploring the concept of radical acceptance elsewhere in life. The math of this concept was weird - if I succeed in doing something hard, I get accolades. If I fail - I still somehow should get them. I was struggling with it and kept escaping to the comfort of self-judgement. I practiced giving myself grace. Every time I succeeded, I tried to savor that moment and use that win for the next time. It's not magic or anything - it's a tactic that works.

Rather than being stuck arguing with myself over how abnormal or silly this anxiety is, it's more constructive to accept it as part of who I am at that moment. This frees up so much space to regulate and explore different options of how to care for myself. By accepting the anxiety, I take away its power over me.

It's so hard and contradictory-sounding, so it requires constant practice. I just use logic: it worked for me in the past, it will work for me today. And then it does.